Welcome To My Life
by Puldoh
Summary: Part Two of My Song Fic Series--He laid on his bed, feeling lost, alone. He didn’t know where he should stand, or where he should go. He was in his room, the room he had torn apart years ago, anger driven.


**Well here is part 2 of my song fic series. This song featured is by Simple Plan, Welcome to my Life. IT belongs to them, and only them and I'm just using the lyrics for fun. **

**If I was making money, I would do it legally. **

**And I don't own the TMNT, Simple Plan, just this fic. LOL. **

**Anyway, please review. **

**And I'm seriously considering abandoning my fics, I'm sorry to say, I want to write but I'm like seriously have writers block. I'll do my best to finish some of them, but eventually, some will be put up for adoption or abandonded. I'm sorry. I tried. I just am too busy. **

**I also have a story idea if anyone wants to hear it. I was going to try to write it but I don't have much time lately. So its Mikey centric. **

**Please review!  
**

**Laters**

* * *

"Welcome To My Life"

He laid on his bed, feeling lost, alone. He didn't know where he should stand, or where he should go. He was in his room, the room he had torn apart years ago, anger driven.

_**Do you ever feel out of place?  
**_

Destroyed.

Left behind.

"Mikey, Please, come out. We don't blame you for what you did, it wasn't your fault!" Donnie said.

_**Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
**_

Mikey frowned, thinking, '_Why not? I blame me. It was me. I chose Leo….and he threw me away. I'm nothing. Why can't I just go….what's holding me back?"_

_**Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you  
**_

He stared at him, at Donnie, his best friend so many years ago it felt. He had betrayed his family because the pain had been too much. Mikey couldn't remember much in the beginning, but he remembered the agonizing pain.

How he screamed.

_**Do you ever wanna run away?  
**_

How he begged.

_**Do you lock yourself in your room?  
**_

How he wished it could stop….and suddenly it did.

All of it.

_**With the radio on turned up so loud  
**_

_**That no one hears you screaming**_**  
**

Leo was still angry…but the pain had stopped….and even though he was scared….Leo took him that night….and he couldn't get away. And Mikey screamed for so long….but no one would hear his cries, his screams, the wishes he would make when Leo locked him up….

_**No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right**_

Mikey shuddered. He wished he could go back. He wished Leo wanted him. But Mikey wanted to scream. To lash out. To kill. Whenever he felt this sadness inside, Leo would send him on a mission and Mikey ended up having to kill. And Mikey would feel better, his life was over.

He learned to listen and obey Leo, to never question him, his world was right. But now, it shattered all apart and now….

_**You don't know what it's like**_

He wanted to cry………

_**To be like me  
**_

Mikey woke up gasping, the nightmares engulfing his psyche once more. He screamed silently, wishing he could be heard. That this pain inside him would break out of him and not return.

_**To be hurt  
**_  
He fell to the ground, panting, his room was destroyed again. He could see it was like his brain.

_**To feel lost  
**_

_'How could Leo just leave me? I love him! I still love him! What do I have to do to get him to love me!? What does Karai have that I don't? I love him!!!'_

_**To be left out in the dark  
**_

Mikey closed his eyes in pain. Just then, he heard a knock on his door and he tensed up, anger and pain engulfed him and he ran and smashed the door closed. He shut it tight locking it. Not wanting anyone to see him like this.

He slapped the light switch, hating the light, needing the darkness, to try and avoid his reality now.

He could hear his name being called, and he ignored it. Pushed it to the back of his head, and walked from the door. He glanced around the room, wishing he had more things to break, to destroy. He opened the closet door, and saw books and junk inside. And he felt himself trying to hold onto what ever sanity he had.

He whimpered, whispered words echoed inside his head, and he cried.

_**To be kicked when you're down  
**_

'I'll always be there for you Mikey, always,' Leo had whispered in his ear after they made love.

'There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you,' Leo said, brushing his fingers along his cheeks, 'We are one.'

And then the nightmare words would come, breaking all that apart, words he had endured while he was with Leo, when Leo's eyes would changed, 'Your pathetic Mikey. Try. Fucking do it or I'll fucking kill you!" when he didn't want to kill someone.

Mikey refused and paid dearly that night.

_**To feel like you've been pushed around **_

He begged in the end for another chance. Begged because the pain hurt and his anger would burn through him.

_**To be on the edge of breaking down  
**_

He begged to have another chance, to try again, he would do better. He had to….he had no one else….no matter how many times he wished for help….

_**And no one's there to save you  
**_

And Leo was happy. He was so happy when he made his first kill. He praised him and Mikey was glad. He made Leo happy, and he made Leo love him. That was good. That was what he said.

_**No you don't know what it's like  
**_**  
**Leo had told him he loved him. That he would never stop loving him.

But why?

_**Welcome to my life**_

He left his room, and had a smile on his face. Pretending everything was fine. He started cooking and talking with his brothers. He had to pretend everything was fine. If it wasn't, if he wasn't being who they wanted, they could turn him away too….

_**Do you wanna be somebody else?  
**_

"Good morning sensei," he said quietly as Splinter came into the kitchen.

Splinter looked surprised, and replied, "Good morning my son," like he used to.

_**Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
**_

Mikey placed some tea in front of him and answered Don's question, "I'm alright. Just a nightmare last night."

"About what?" Raph asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

_**Are you desperate to find something more?  
**_

Mikey tensed and shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore," he said as he placed the food in front of his family. He sat at the table, waiting while everyone served himself first. Raph noticed and asked, "Ain't you hungry?"

_**Before your life is over  
**_

Mikey nodded, he was, but he knew he wasn't allowed to touch food until everyone else was done. That was one of Leo's rules. "I have to wait till your done," he said, explaining. He thought it was normal for him. It was how he lived during the 2 years he was with Leo.

"Says who?" Don asked curiously as he started cutting his pancakes.

"Leo," Mikey replied with a shrug, waiting.

"My son, it is alright now. You may eat with your family." Splinter said gently.

"But Leo said not allowed!" Mikey blurted out confused but then covered his mouth, knowing he shouldn't have said anything. Everything was so confusing, things were changing way too fast, and it scared him.

_**Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
**_

Raph grunted, but spoke gently, "Mikey, he's not here. You can eat, Please."

Mikey shook his head rapidly, feeling the panic build up, he remembered what happened when he slipped up. Leo had hurt, had punished and burned him. Mikey learned the lesson well. He wouldn't do it again…he learned…

_**Are you sick of everyone around?  
**_

"Please Mikey?" Don asked, wanting to be alble to help his brother.

Mikey shook his head and had tears in his eyes. _Why couldn't they understand? He couldn't. Not now. He just couldn't. He wasn't the Mikey they remembered. Leo trained him well, trained him to obey the rules. And if Leo wasn't there, he would always find out._

They ate in silence for a few moments, and then the perimeter alarm went off, and Don saw the monitor and smiled, "Its April and Casey. They should be glad to see you." he said, looking at Mikey with a bright smile, faltering at the blank look on Mikey's face. "You remember them, right?"

Mikey nodded. And saw a brief smile on his families face, and it sickened him, knowing they were faking.

_**With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
**_

But Mikey shook his head. "I…" but Leo's whispered words floated threw his head, '_Never show your fear_!' and he gulped and nodded. He desperately wanted to scream and take off. He had felt awful when he recalled Casey's words, begging for mercy, begging to not be killed. It was a price he paid, when he left him alive, broken bones. And It hurt so much inside.

_**While deep inside you're bleeding**_**  
**

The door of the lair opened up and Mikey felt Splinter's hand on his arm, cajoling him to follow them. He walked over and wanted to flee, he didn't want to see Raph's best friend. To see the fear in his eyes.

_**No you don't know what it's like  
**_

"Oh my God, Mikey??" April said uncertain. Casey stood nearby, glaring at him and Mikey knew why. He had been forced to beat Casey up and still felt bad about it. But Leo had told him to, and even he was punished because he didn't kill him like Leo wanted.

_**When nothing feels all right  
**_

"What the Hell is he doing here?!!" Casey said angrily. Mikey had nearly beat him to death almost a year ago. He was pissed and afraid. He could have died then.

_**You don't know what it's like  
**_

"Leo threw him away guys. I found him on the dock, badly beaten. Leo told him to go away. We brought Mikey here." Don said quietly.

Raph nodded his head, "Look Case-man, just listen, okay," he said softly but seriously.

_**To be like me  
**_

"He nearly killed me and almost killed your dad and you just let him waltzed back in like there ain't no tomorrow?" Casey said outraged and confused.

"He hasn't tried to hurt us Casey, and its not his fault. April, Casey, Mikey was tortured into submission. He was forced to act against us….its not his fault." Don said sternly, "Just listen, Please! Mikey was forced, alright!"

_**To be hurt  
**_

"Master Splinter, surely you can't believe this is the same Mikey you knew. He's a monster! He killed! He murdered in cold blood!" Casey said, his arms waving around, pacing around, nervous, staying a distance away.

_**To feel lost  
**_

"I killed," Mikey said softly, driving everyone into silence, listening, "I know I killed. I had to. The pain…it hurt so much. I begged, I cried. No one came. No one ever came….no one saved me…so I learn…I learn how to survive….and I was good….he was happy…." he turned to Casey his blank eyes making him nervous.

"I could have killed you, them. I was told to…but you are Raph's best friend. If I not beat you, they would kill you. ..so I hurt…you live…in pain…but alive…." Mikey's eyes were haunted, "I hurt too. Leo…he was angry. He said I was bad. Worse. Filth. He punish me. For weeks…failure is not option. Must kill…or be punished…you lucky…you had people who come for you…no one come for me…." and he glanced away…. "I'm not worth coming for…" and he quietly left the room.

_**To be left out in the dark**_

He sat on his bed, thinking hard. Frowning in thought, W_hy did no one come for him? Why did no one save him? He was hurt. Beaten. He knew it was wrong what Leo was doing, but to stop the pain, he did what Leo said. He liked when Leo was happy. It was easier to survive when Leo was happy….as he wished someone could save him._

_**To be kicked when you're down**_

"_Your fuckin useless you idiot. Did you think you can get away with disobeying me? I don't think so. Your fucking coward!"_

"_Please, Leo, I know. I'm sorry. But it was Casey. You know Casey. We know him!" Mikey said, confused and panicked. _

"_That's exactly why I sent you to kill him! He's useless. He never did any good, only screwed things up. That's why I thought you could kill him, but all you did was leave him there! ALIVE! What the hell were you thining!?" Leo screamed at him as he beat the smaller turtle. _

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But Please! Leo-" but a blow to the side of his face made him falter, seeing Leo's eyes blaze with anger. _

"_I am your master reptile. You are nothing. Do you understand!? The only reason why I kept you was because I knew no one would come for you! Your pathetic. A loser. Only thing your good for, is for me to take!" as he leered over Mikey. _

"_No Please, Master, no…" Mikey begged as he was tied up and beaten again….and the lights went out. He had lost. _

_**  
To feel like you've been pushed around**_

Mikey shuddered, eyes shooting open, looking around in a panic. _Was he here? Was he going to come for him? Should he go back? Beg to be forgiven?_

_**NO!**_

Mikey shook his head. _He was free! Wasn't he?_ He could hear yelling from outside his room and he shook in fear, quickly crawling off the bed, grabbing a blanket and moving to the corner, hiding.

"I don't care, Mikey is here and I'm gunna help him!" Raph yelled angrily as he stormed in Mikey's room.

"Look Mikey, Leo was an asshole, he's the one who is nothing! You ain't! You never was!" Raph said hoping to break through his little brothers fear, but when he saw the scared look in his eyes, he stopped.

Then he felt someone collide with him, pushing him down, and knew it was Casey.

He fell to the ground with a grunt, whirling around, punching back.

"He's a traitor!" Casey yelled.

"No he's not! He was forced Casey!" Raph yelled back.

They fought hard.

_**  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
**_

Mikey watched in horror as he saw them beat each other. Words and insults flying through the air, making him remember.

_**And no one's there to save you  
**_

No one was coming. No one saved him. He begged for him to stop, to leave him alone, but he never did. He prayed for Raph, Don or even Splinter to come and save him. But they didn't come.

No one came to save him.

_**No you don't know what it's like**_

They didn't know. They didn't know why he didn't run away. Why he couldn't. When Leo laughed in his face. Yelled at him. Beat him. Stole that innocence away. He knew he couldn't allow another brother to go through that. Leo threatened to take them away too. To make them like him.

Weak.

Worthless.

Useless

Pathetic..

_**Welcome to my life  
**_

Mikey jumped up, and ran toward them, noticing Casey stiffen as he pulled them off of each other. "NO!" he yelled out.

Raph was pulled back, and Mikey said, "Don't be like me. Don't hurt him, don't hurt your friend. He just scared is all. I hurt him…bad…I know is bad…I know he right to be angry…but no more…Please…no more fighting.." he begged softly.

"Ahh Mike, its okay. I'll stop. I'm sorry. I didn't know it scared you," Raph said gently, seeing the fear in Mikey's eyes. He reached to touch his cheek gently to comfort the smaller turtle when he saw Mikey flinch away, his head ducking down and away, and knew that was ingrained from what Leo had done to him.

"Casey, Please, just leave for a bit, calm down, then we'll talk, ok?" Don said as he pulled Casey from the room.

_**  
No one ever lied straight to your face**_

"It's going to be okay Mikey, we're here. We won't hurt ya!" Raph said gently.

_**  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back**_

But they did hurt him. They never came for him. Not once. They all believed it when He refused to go back. They all believed the words he had been forced to say. Part of him tried hard to believe it, but he couldn't. They were his family, and he loved them….

But he loved Leo to. He did. Leo had been his world. Leo was there when no one else came. Leo…when Leo was happy, it made it right. When Leo was mad though….

Mikey shuddered, eyes closing painfully in remembrance.

Mikey looked away, feeling tears well up in his eyes, Things were too different. Everything hurt to much. Leo left him, he was alone. No one understood him.

_**  
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted**_

Mikey sat in the dark room, hiding. Everything was cleaned up and organized. He had been taught to make sure things were neat. He learned well. He learned to not be him. He learned all the lessons Leo taught him.

Why did Leo leave him?

What did he do that was so wrong?

_**  
You never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like, what it's like  
**_

"My son, we must talk." Splinter said, knocking on the door gently and walking inside. He saw his youngest, sitting on his bed, curled up, looking lost.

"About what Master Splinter?" Mikey said hollowly.

"About the time you were away. Can you tell me what happened?" Splinter said, sitting nearby.

Mikey bit his lip, and finally sighed. "Do you remember…when Leo first left?"

Splinter nodded.

"I…he wanted me to join him. I had loved him before that. But he asked me to join him, and at first, I said no. But he said, I had to, to be with him," Mikey hesitated, "I couldn't decide. I didn't want to betray you, or him. I couldn't decide. So I said nothing…."

_**To be hurt**_

"What happened Michelangelo?" Splinter said softly, knowing he needed answers.

"I…I went out to get some pizza…remember?" Mikey said, tears welling up in his eyes, "And…and he found me. Took me away…."

_**To feel lost**_

Splinter had suspected something like this when his youngest suddenly vanished that night. He then realized his son was still speaking.

"It hurt so much Master…it did. He hurt me. Badly…every day. More pain, it wouldn't stop…finally…I begged for the pain to stop. And when I relented, when I said I chose him…the pain stopped….and my new life began…." Mikey whispered.

_**To be left out in the dark**_

"Oh my son," Splinter said sadly. He moved toward him, to comfort him.

Mikey's eyes widened, "Don't touch me, Please, don't touch me!" he begged, arms thrown up around him, frightened.

_**To be kicked when you're down  
**_

"I would never hurt you." Splinter said, halting in his movements.

_**To feel like you've been pushed around  
**_

"But you did…Master….I tried to hold on…" Mikey whispered, backing away in fear, tears falling down his cheeks, "I tried for weeks to hang on…"

_**To be on the edge of breaking down**_

Mikey gasped, trying to see a way to hide, but seeing nothing, he continued, his breathing quickening slightly. "I waited…to wait till you came for me…no one came….no one came for me….I tried….but he…the pain…the torture…don't touch me please!"

_**  
And no one's there to save you  
**_

Splinter heard his words, and felt his sorrow build up. His youngest had waited to be rescued but he hadn't been. He too felt his heart break as father and son were lost in their sorrow.

_**  
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)  
**_

Mikey walked around the lair, feeling alone. Don was in his lab once again, it seemed like he was avoiding him. It hurt in a way, but he understood. Raph was in the dojo with Splinter, training.

Training. Mikey knew why he didn't train. He knew he could beat them, and knew he could slip, and end up hurting one of them.

_**To be hurt  
**_

"Mikey, is it okay if I ask you questions about your time with Leo?" Don asked hesitantly.

Mikey shrugged, thinking it would be alright. He followed Don into the lab and sat down, being careful to look at the floor and not at the instruments around.

_**To feel lost  
**_

"I…I read the reports Mikey…I know you were hurt badly," Don said hesitantly, "I…well, I just wanted you to know, if you want to talk, you can talk to me. I read how Leo practically tortured you…"

_**To be left out in the dark  
**_

Mikey flinched, remembering the beginning, feeling the anger building up inside. He was angry at Leo. For making him like this. It was so hard to remember how it was like before. He felt…confused…and things were to hard to think.

_Why?_

_Why did Leo hurt him so much? Did he know it would be easy to break him?_

_**To be kicked when you're down  
**_

"Mikey, Please, you walk around the lair like your lost! You hardly speak unless spoken to, and you won't leave the lair at all. Please, talk to me," Don pleaded.

_**To feel like you've been pushed around  
**_

"Why didn't you come?" Mikey whispered, looking straight into Don's brown eyes, seeing him cringe in shame.

_**To be on the edge of breaking down  
**_

"I…I uh, God Mikey, we didn't know.." Don said slowly, trying to find the right words about why they thought Mikey left willingly.

"Do you know how it feels to scream in pain? TO feel fire inside, burning you? To feel bones snap apart and move around? To be strapped down as scientists examine you, samples from you?" Mikey said angrily, "I begged Leo to stop. He wouldn't! He wouldn't unless I agreed to be his!"

_**And no one's there to save you  
**_

He got up angrily, pacing, finally releasing the burning rage inside, "I screamed for you to save me! For Splinter, Raph, Hell, I screamed for April and Casey! NO ONE CAME!" he said as he threw his arms down on Don's desk, shoving all the electronics and devices off in his anger.

_**No you don't know what it's like  
**_

Don was backing away in fear, "MIKE! Please, calm down," he said, holding his hands up, in the surrender pose.

_**Welcome to my life  
**_

"I broke Donnie! I broke! I finally broke when no one came, I tried so hard to get away, to wait for you! But no one came!" Mikey said, suddenly lashing out at the electronics laying about. In the doorway, stood Raph and Splinter, eyes wide with horror and shock.

_**Welcome to my life  
**_

"When I finally said I would be his, he made me his! That night, even though my bones were broken, even though I was burned and had several knife marks on me, whip marks all over me. He threw me on his bed and took me that night! Saying I was his! I was always to be his, or he would go after you! Don't you get it, I stayed because he would go after you! I betrayed all of you and….he said he loved me….he said he loved me…" and Mikey fell to his knees bursting into bitter tears, covering his face.

Don walked over to Mikey, hesitantly he reached over, and pulled Mikey into a hug. Mikey tensed up, but the pain inside, it burned so much, and he relaxed and cried as he felt Splinter and Raph hug him to.

_**Welcome to my life………….  
**_


End file.
